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Proud new DeWalt owner still looking for something to drill
‘This roughty-toughty piece of pro kit cost me a hundred and fifty smackers,’ said homeowner Alex Staveley. ‘But I’ve yet to find a single bloody use for it.’ [read...]
Daily Archives: April 26, 2019
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Japanese asteroid destruction testing ‘inspired by Brexit’
The Japanese have fired an explosive charge into an asteroid in near Earth orbit in order to find out what damage Brexit is likely to cause: ‘Sure, we might find out how to avoid the destruction that wiped out the dinosaurs, [read...]
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Device which detects ‘Life’ in brain-dead subjects is called ‘Television’
In a startling new scientific breakthrough, signs of lingering basic brain-function including the ability to recognise simple words such as ‘goal’, ‘Moon’ and ‘parrot’, and the ability to direct the opening of a ring-pull beer can or to order a takeaway pizza have been observed in the brains of subjects previously regarded as having suffered complete brain death. [read...]
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Details about who leaked leaks leaked
A senior cabinet minister who preferred not to be named Philip Hammond at this point, has denied being the top level leaker in the Huawei leak scandal
‘As it’s clear I would never do such a thing, [read...]
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Change UK & Brexit Party to merge – ‘to get all the votes’
Leaders of the UK’s newest political/money-laundering parties, have agreed to unite a nation behind a motto of ‘one member, one policy’. Analysis has shown that by combining all the Leave and Remain votes, the new group could get a workable majority in any Nandos. [read...]