Man confirms that his unhealthy interest in snooker will last another week


A man has confirmed to his girlfriend that his temporary obsession with snooker will carry on until the final of the World Snooker Championships finishes on May Day bank holiday Monday.

Despite having absolutely no interest in the sport for 50 weeks of the year, Martin Jones, 33, will, by the time the winner of the tournament is crowned, have watched over 700 frames of snooker, and developed an unhealthy passion for techniques of cue ball control, mid-session interval routines and the importance of playing with side to get a decent position on the last red.

‘It’s the same every year’, sighed Maxine his partner of three years.  ‘As soon as the first round matches are televised on the first Saturday, he starts banging on about the form of Ronnie the Rocket, how quickly the baize is playing this year, and how fewer youth players are coming through the local club circuit these days, as if he actually gives a shit.’

‘Yet, once the winner lifts the trophy, its as if all his snooker memories are immediately erased, and replaced with an interest in the bloody League 2 football playoffs, and then in late June, by Wimbledon and the Tour de France’

‘Ah, the magic of the Crucible’, commentated Martin, bending down by the dining table in their Leicester flat, closing one eye and pretending to line up a fictional shot after being asked to clear the dishes after dinner.  ‘If Jones can just put these away, he’ll leave himself with the potential of a deep screw to end of this important session’.

‘In terms of any possibility of sex’, whispered Maxine into a non-existent microphone.  ‘I’d say he’s tight against the baulk cushion and needs multiple snookers’.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2019 by

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