Who says British inventiveness is dead and that Britain is just full of gammon-faced right-wing Brexiteer moronic savages? Not according to enterprising British firm Willy Warmers R Us, which has just launched an ingenious range of ‘dog-shaped’ genital warmers.
Head of Product Development Sally Bowles said: ‘Sadly, many lonely elderly men freeze to death in winter because they forget to pay their extortionate energy bills, get a bit confused and can’t find the on switch for heating. After taking a couple of Viagra pills, the willy warmers are designed to fit over erect penises and, using the latest advanced technology, will warm up not only willies, but the entire body within just a few minutes, with no side effects- other than the dog’s shame’.
Dick Power, pictured here modelling one of the units, said: ‘I was a bit sceptical at first but it’s a godsend – it’s amazing what they can do these days. Not only that, but they sent me a free pen just for enquiring. At last I can afford my energy bills and even remember to pay them.’
Rip-off energy firms and old folks homes dismissed the products as ‘a scam of the highest order’ and called for them to be banned. However, a spokesperson for the Office of Fair Trading said they have passed all tests and recommends a global roll-out of the products – ‘they really are the dog’s bollocks – quite literally’.