Man who now takes the Daily Mail regarded as a cock by nearly everyone

Man paper

A man who revealed he has started to take The Daily Mail after canceling his subscription to The Guardian which he had read for twenty-five years, has become widely regarded as a total cock by nearly everyone who knows him.

The man, who can’t be named, but who is believed to be a close relative of the man who can’t be moved in the song by popular chart band, The Script, said: ‘I’m fed up with all these bloody foreigners and dole-scroungers. You know, bleeding this country dry with free state handouts of more than £5000 per week for each member of their family.’

‘According to an article I read this morning, when you consider there’s normally at least 23 of them living on top of one another in every single bedroom of these opulent mansions they’re awarded rent-free, then that’s £460,000 a week each and every one of us is having to fork out.’

‘So I’ve switched my allegiance to The Mail as it seems to be the only paper highlighting this shocking state of affairs.’

When it was put to the man the reason for that is because The Mail’s agenda is to spread hatred, bigotry and xenophobia by printing such blatantly hate-fuelled untrue drivel he said: ‘No, you’ve got that wrong, it is true. I read it in my newspaper.’

Meanwhile the only person to welcome the move is the man’s paperboy. Speaking from outside The Sweetie Box, a newsagent’s down the precinct where the man has his papers delivered from, twelve year-old Timothy Russel said : ‘This is great news as it means my bag is going to be a bit lighter than it used to be, particularly at weekends, and now if I have to take a shit behind a hedge during my round, as the man’s house is actually my last drop then I’ll always have a handy supply of toilet paper.’

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Posted: May 1st, 2019 by

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