Wanted for leaking state secrets from the National Security Council, the disgraced Defence Secretary is looking for somewhere to hide from press scrutiny, his own innate stupidity and the smug look of John Profumo. Fortunately he has answered a small-ad from the Equadorian Embassy, for a ‘modest flat, in a central London location; which will suit a long-term lease – no time-wasters or Australians please’.
The room itself was vacated in somewhat of a hurry, with the previous tenant having left Vladimir Putin’s address book, a signed t-shirt from Pamela Anderson and a substantial amount of grey pubic-hair in the bathroom. Slightly more disturbing is the police tape and the fingernail marks on the door-frame, suggesting that the tenancy was not ended on mutual terms.
Left in a state of disrepair, the flat shows evidence of a struggle – or this may just have been Mr. Assange being romantic. Luckily Mr. Williamson travels light, with just his Paddington Bear, a copy of the Boy’s Own Book of Big Battles and collection of Airfix spitfires for company
Allegedly Mr. Assange was expelled for having used the internet – whose browsing history included ‘Bulk purchases of ‘Just for Men’’, ‘What is Swedish for ‘No’?’ and ‘Can I be extradited to the US if I claim I’m Mexican?’. An Embassy Official commented: ‘Our previous lodger was guilty of leaking war crimes, whereas Mr. Williamson’s incompetence as a Defence Secretary makes him a crime against war’.