Man alone at the cinema, now wishing he’d not worn a trench-coat


After deciding that going to the cinema alone in daylight, was neither strange or the first step to killing all of his work colleagues before turning the gun on himself, a man forgot to factor in his choice of overcoat and ended up looking like he was going to a showing of ‘Debbie does Dallas.’

42-year-old Dave Smith said, “my preparations had been meticulous. I chose an out-of-town Cineworld on a Tuesday morning. I’d practiced my pacing up and down and repeated checking of my phone with associated head shake, to suggest serious ire at being kept waiting.

‘I purchased my popcorn and sprite combo with alacrity and relayed my pre-scripted, ‘well I’m not missing the film just because she can’t be bothered’ clearing accentuating the ‘she’ to said cinema staff-drone.’

‘I navigated the ticket check with minimal eye-contact and the holy grail of a darkened room where nobody can see me was mine. Unfortunately, brief over-confidence led me to smile at a woman with her little daughter, only to receive a look of pure horror as she simultaneously searched for a safe space.’

‘I then caught a glimpse of my long beige trench-coat in the mirror. The ticket lady just shook her head. I could only offer up, “they said it would rain later.” Utter pr*ck.’

‘And, Dumbo was a pile of shit!’

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Posted: May 2nd, 2019 by

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