Veganism has attracted sixty-million new British recruits overnight after two separate milkshakes were found to contain traces of far-right activist, Tommy Robinson.
The strawberry-flavoured drink was spotted walking down a street in Warrington, Cheshire, yesterday, but when sampled by thirsty locals, was found to contain around 81,500 extra calories, courtesy of a fascist c*nt in a cheap suit.
As a result, McDonald’s have been ordered to place clear labels on all of their beverages, especially those likely to induce vomiting or sudden stiffness and elevation of the right arm.
Meanwhile, farms across the UK could be forced to close over fears that other dairy products may have been contaminated with racists, after a woman in Ellesmere Port complained that her “ski” yoghurt tasted of hazelnuts and Nick Griffin.
The dairy industry is still recovering from an incident last month, in which a Swindon-based construction worker noticed UKIP leader Gerard Batten’s face leering out from a piece of Stilton, which was an integral part of his Ploughman’s Lunch.
John Goodier, a spokesman for the UK Vegan Movement, said,
“It’s now impossible to imbibe a dairy-based drink in Britain without hearing a whiny voice bleating on about Muslim grooming gangs or being subjected to a series of blows that are both delicious and high in cholesterol.”
“With milk and cheese products nationwide now bearing the indelible hallmark of Aryan supremacy, there’s never been a better time to go vegan.”
Asian man, Raj Panesar, added,
“Only yesterday, I had human faeces posted through my letterbox by what appeared to be a bomber jacket-wearing Iced Latte Frappuccino.”