Put socks back on now, men urged

no socks

Men over the age of 25 have been asked if they could please start wearing socks again with their shoes, as their attempt to appear fashionable just isn’t funny anymore. The news comes after sightings of hairy lower limbs, popping out gratuitously at the bottom of ever-shortening pairs of chinos has already reached an all-time high in the first part of 2019.

‘Anyone born after the early 1990’s really shouldn’t even attempt to put on shoes without a comfortable pair of socks, its just too dangerous’, explained fashion guru Peter da Costa, of the Footwear Association. ‘Whilst an espadrille or a casual brown leather shoe with no socks looks okay on Joey Essex or the boys from Five Seconds of Summer, when you see it tried by Lee Dixon whilst offering punditry on the footy, he’s inevitably going to look like a total plank’.

‘The trend for barefoot shoe wearing amongst middle-aged men is definitely a long-term concern’, noted a spokesperson from Public Health England. ‘In the hot spell last month there was a 500% rise in sightings of shoes being taken off in public to itch rampant athletes foot, whilst levels of sweat in retro Adidas Gazelle’s are at an all-time high’.

Peter Smith, a 45 year old salesman was unrepentant, however. ‘I was king of the beach promenade in just a pair of boaters with my slacks in my recent Easter break in Marbella, and my corns and calluses got a much needed bit of air to them, which actually helped me to pick the dead skin off my godforsaken feet on my hotel balcony at night-time.’

‘Why would anyone not want to unexpectedly catch a glimpse of my mis-shaped, pasty-looking ankle bones whilst sat with me in a board meeting at work, an image which will no doubt remain with them until the day they die’, continued Smith. ‘You’ll be telling me next that I shouldn’t wear extra-skinny or slim fit trousers.’

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Posted: May 8th, 2019 by

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