Kitchen bin still not full, confirms man

bin

The pedal bin in the kitchen does still not need emptying yet, a Leicester man has announced today. Peter Jones, 46, made the announcement today after clearing away dinner for his wife and 2 kids into an overflowing, impractically thin Brabantia rolled-steel finish bin.

‘Room for a few more things in there, and then the binmen come on Friday so I might as well take it out then’, said Jones confidently in a tone designed to cut off any challenge, whilst simultaneously trying to hold back a retch after getting a whiff of 4 day old chicken carcass.

Privately, Jones is thought to be harbouring concerns about his ability to extract the full bin bag from the bin, having already employed emergency tactics earlier in the day to stuff more waste in there, using his tried and tested two handed compresssion technique to squeeze a load of mouldy fridge items in. He is thought to be preparing for the worst, resorting to wedging the base of the bin between his two feet whilst trying to lift the bin bag, In the style of Geoff Capes in Worlds Strongest Man, by the couple of millimetres of material that remain visible at the top.

‘It’s a perfect storm’, said his wife in an exasperated tone. ‘Cheap Asda smart price bags. Rips in the side already from when he put a tin can in earlier this week. Seepage of some unknown liquid already into the base of the bin. God help whoever empties this one, and it will definitely be Peter.

In other news, Mr Jones has confirmed that the dishwasher isn’t quite fully stacked yet, and the ironing pile looks to be in a ‘steady and stable condition’

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Posted: May 9th, 2019 by

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