Every year, Zebras migrate to where the grass is literally greener, risking their lives in the process. Apart from encountering lions, and other big cats on land, their annual trek entails a treacherous swim through crocodile infested rivers.
Since the early 1950s, by contrast, Zebras have lent their name to a crossing that allows human beings to traverse the road safely.
The irony is not lost on alpha male, Zebra, Nigel, who is heading a campaign on behalf of his Brothers and Sisters. He is not a happy humbug to say the least.
‘About time you lot returned the compliment,”’he said, ‘any chance of a f**king bridge?’
However, it was put to Nigel that nature should be allowed to take its course so human beings tend not to interfere.
‘Bollocks,’ he replied, ‘you didn`t take that approach when it came to gonorrhea, syphilis and herpes, did you?’.
Nigel outstriped, (sic), any attempts to placate him. Shouting his demands in general, he went on to make a specific cry for Help from Paul McCartney. Pointing to Macca`s dislike of animals being eaten, and wealth at his disposal to fund a bridge being built, he also reminded the ex-Beatle that he is indebted on account of the iconic Abbey Road, album cover.
‘You owe us,’ claimed an emotional Nigel, ‘And don`t give me that conservationist, ecosystem shit. What about f**king us? Crocodiles have already had a bloody good innings. Anyway…like cock roaches, rats and Scottish people, they are supposed to have the best chances of surviving a nuclear war as it is.’
Regrettably, we have since received the tragic news that Nigel has passed away. He was not eaten by crocodiles, or lions even, but violently taken out by a land rover on a dirt track in the Savannah. The Gamekeeper, who was driving at the time, said that he did not see a Zebra crossing.