All movie plots to be resolved by time travel


Cinema-goers across the world have expressed joy and delight in the latest climactic installment of the Marvel Avengers saga, in which tumultuous events from the previous episode are resolved by going back in time and changing things.

The series is the latest on a list of franchises, including Harry Potter, X-Men, Doctor Who and Only Fools and Horses, featuring meticulously plotted cliff-hangers, enticing huge numbers back to for the next installment to be met with equally meticulously-plotted cop-outs, a formula now set to be rolled out across all future cinema releases.

The trope was also recently seen in the musical sequel Mama Mia – Here We Go Again, in which associates of a deceased Meryl Streep go back to the 1970’s, using sexual inticement to ensure she is guided toward a magic horse with the power to grant another life as a ghost in an ABBA-based ‘Force’.

The policy will also be retro-fitted across classic cinema, with new scenes giving such characters as Forest Gump, Atticus Finch and Moses access to a time machine. In other movies, Dinosaurs are safely reigned in and the Titanic resumes an obstacle-free navigation, while Disney writers are still working on a plot to ensure the first three Star Wars chapters never occurred.

Avengers director Anthony Russo told us: ‘We realised after the last episode that in our desire for ever-greater spectacle and larger, more earth-shattering plot twists we’d basically painted ourselves into a corner. None of us expected there might be another installment, so when Infinity War broke even we called an emergency meeting. Then Steve came up with this idea of pretending it all never happened, and we were like – ‘that’s brilliant!’ – after all, it’s the one thing the fans never thought we’d do’.

The producers of the upcoming and long awaited next installment to the Back To The Future franchise has denied buying into the convenient time travel idea. ‘That would be just silly,’ said a studio spokesman.

Hat tip Riesler

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Posted: May 13th, 2019 by

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