Hard and soft Brexit anguish blamed for UK’s impotence and frigidity upswing


Getting hard or moistening up has, according to the British Medical Journal, become increasingly difficult for millions of Britons in the three year period since the Brexit referendum.

The findings, published today in the BMJ, suggest that nearly a third of British men and women have not had sex in the past month and that more and more of them are becoming completely ‘f**ked off’ and ‘shagged out’.

‘The in and out Brexit antics of the two major political parties are having a greater effect than Bromide and chemical castration combined,’ Said a spokesman for the BMJ.

‘We believe that there is a definite link between living through the Brexit process and people’s appetite for sex. Statistics reveal that simple blow jobs are down by as much as 37% whilst fisting has fallen by as much as 58% since the days of the Lib Dem and Conservative coalition.’

Male respondents to the BMJ’s questionnaire blame their under performance on a constant barrage of images of Theresa May, Arlene Foster and Nicky Morgan which leave them feeling increasingly limp. Whilst female respondents blame the sight of Nigel Farage, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Michael Gove for a spike in headaches and vaginal dryness.

One female respondent said, ‘The only thing that can get me remotely wet these days is watching re-runs of Question Time with David Dimbleby whipping leavers and remainers up into an absolute frenzy. Fiona Bruce just doesn’t know how to hit the spot.’

The BMJ has indicated that its next piece of research into the sexual behaviour of British people will be post Brexit, especially the effects of staying in or pulling out.

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Posted: May 14th, 2019 by

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