Cat is sure you’ll prefer her anus to your newspaper

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After much analysis of human behaviour, ‘Missy’ the Cat is convinced that thrusting her derrière in your face, would be your preferred option over doing The Times crossword. A cheeky wiggle of her hind-quarters and a coquettish tail-thrust up your nose, is easily more enticing than the average TV listings.

Body language experts have previously suggested that a human avidly reading a book, is not looking for a small fuzzy rump, but Missy would beg to differ. Shouts of protest by her owner, are merely cries of encouragement for more furry-twerking, with an added helping of claws to the ‘groin-al’ region.

A spokeswoman for the cat insisted that: ‘There is nothing more attractive than a hint of tapeworm hanging out of a cat’s rectum. Nobody wants to read some pretentious novel, when they can have sight of the end of Missy’s alimentary canal’. A point of view, subsequently endorsed by the Booker Prize panel.

Newspaper circulation has dropped dramatically, with cats suggesting they could offer all of the same qualities at half the price. An editor the Daily Telegraph took umbrage at this crude comparison. ‘Look, one of these is an incrusted sphincter of unpalatable taste and filled with shit – while the other is the cat’s anus’

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Posted: May 15th, 2019 by

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