Trump names ‘El Chapo’ as his running mate

Build the wall PLEASE

Donald Trump has surprised many in the Republican Party once again, this time by revealing that the infamous and elusive Mexican drug lord Joaquin ‘El Chapo’ Guzman will be his vice-presidential candidate in the November election.

‘El Chapo has all the characteristics I’m looking for in a running mate, OK? He’s a proven businessman – he’s resourceful, unbending, brutal and scary, a born leader with a track record of success and an eye for the deal,’ Trump said. ‘Plus he’s already rich so we don’t have to worry about that with him, OK? I’m telling ya, if you like Chris Christie, you’re gonna love El Chapo. And I need him to win the Latino vote for me.’

Many are questioning the timing of this announcement, just a day after Mexico said it would go ahead with plans to extradite ‘El Chapo’ to the US where he is to stand trial in multiple states for charges of drug smuggling, murder and money laundering. Some now believe that the extradition is just a ploy to get him into the US in time for the election.

‘I sure was puzzled at first,’ admitted Trump supporter Cooter ‘J.B.’ McRobb. ‘I thought Donald wanted to keep people like him outta the US. But then I started thinking, maybe it is time to send those fat cats in Washington a message. Maybe El Chapo is that messenger. He does have the kind of muscle and grit we need more of in Washington. He’ll get things done, just you watch.’

In other news, Mexico has retracted its decision not to build the wall Trump has demanded along their border. Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto said: ‘OK, I get it now, the Gringos really are that crazy. We’ll send them all our drug lords and they can do what the hell they like, just so long as neither Trump nor El Chapo ever gets across the border again. $50 billion? Money well spent.’

Meanwhile, the EU is investigating the cost of building a nine-mile-high wall across the Atlantic. The French have volunteered to stop spending £93 million every month to shift the European Parliament to Strasbourg for a few days if that makes the difference.


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Posted: May 15th, 2019 by

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