Lab/Con talks abandoned after deadlock over biscuit choice

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A fruitless row over biscuit choice has ended the Downing Street talks aimed at agreeing a Brexit deal. Both sides agreed there could not be a ‘no biscuit’ tea time situation for the talks, which have now been going on for three weeks.

At one stage, it’s understood, both sides said a digestive compromise might be palatable, after Nice and Garibaldi biscuits were eliminated as being ‘too European’ by Tories. Labour objected to the suggestion of Gypsy Creams unless they could be called Traveller and Romany Community Creams, and the Prime Minister issued a blunt refusal to Bath Oliver Letwin. Both sides dismissed the idea of plain biscuits as ‘crackers’.

With time running out and the parties deadlocked over the issue of biscuits before they even started on European issues, the impasse is thought to signal the end of the left/right era in British politics, with both parties falling into irreversible decline. Meanwhile Brexit leader Nigel Farage has declared that if he had been party to the negotiations, he would have forced through Bahlsen Choco Siegheilnitz as the obvious choice.

‘Yes I know these biscuits might not be acceptable to a certain kind of cosmopolitan media-owning European intelligentsia with a taste for gefilte fish and no real roots in our country,’ he told a rally of supporters whose uniforms were paid for by Aaron Banks. ‘That’s why I thought they might have appealed to Mr Corbyn!’

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Posted: May 18th, 2019 by

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