Fascism is not lactose intolerant


As much of 60% of the electorate still think they can ward off Nigel Farage with a milkshake, a clove of garlic and a request for his tax returns. However, modern nutritionists have now debunked the myth, that the rise of Hitler could have been avoided with judicious dollops of clotted cream.

Throwing milkshakes over members of The Brexit party may not be as an effective deterrent as first thought; in fact there are suggestions it can calcify their extremist views. In fact there is very little evidence to suggest that milk-based beverages are an anathema to right-wing politics – unless, of course, it is poured by a hipster-barista.

Said one activist: ‘My plan is to repeatedly drench Mr. Farage in milk until, over the space of twenty years, he develops gallstones. It’s a long game, I admit, but I’m fighting the good fight. What do you mean, have I voted yet? What election are you talking about?’

Rather than treating a Hard-Brexiteer as a 21st century vampire who hates dairy, they more likely shun something spicy or Halal. Said a Brexit spokeswoman: ‘It’s patently ridiculous, Mr. Farage is not allergic to milk, he’s allergic to hard work’.

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Posted: May 22nd, 2019 by

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