ITV has announced Good Morning Britain is to be renamed Tiswas and is taking over Jeremy Kyle’s recently vacated time slot, whilst also dropping any last pretence of being a real news show.
A production assistant said: ‘We’ve seen our ratings soar against BBC Breakfast in recent months after distancing ourselves from proper news reporting, simply by concentrating almost exclusively on a mix of low-rent shite and cheap tawdry tittle-tattle.’
However in a nod to Kyle’s previous bear-baiting style it’s understood GMB’s new set is to be dominated by a large steel cage where host Piers Morgan will imprison anyone appearing on the programme.
He will then rant at them incessantly denying any chance to get a word in edge ways whilst hectoring at the top of his voice to belittle their opinions until they breakdown in fits of uncontrollable sobbing.
At the conclusion of ‘interviews’ Morgan’s glamorous co-host and once a well-respected serious journalist Susanna Reid (48) wearing a cheerleader’s outfit, will lead the charge in pelting those inside the cage with soaking-wet sponges and buckets of ice-cold water.
Charlotte Hawkins and resident weather presenter, Laura Tobin, dressed only in skimpy bikinis and 6-inch stilettos, will round off each item by slamming custard pies in faces of the hapless guests whilst simultaneously performing lap-dances should Morgan command it.
However in one very surprising development and despite the changes, GMB has reported many previously elusive former public school Tory MPs and Cabinet Ministers are queuing up to appear on the revamped show.