Most of the people turning out to vote in this Thursday’s European elections are motivated to do so by the fact that last time they voted there was a cute dog tied to a post outside the polling station, it has been confirmed.
Unenthusiastic voter Lizzie Brown said “I’m hoping for a smiley labrador or a jolly terrier. I’ll take a photo and tweet it with the hashtag #dogsatpollingstations and feel a tiny warm glow that at least the nation can agree that it’s nice to see dogs at polling stations.£
“Then half way home the crushing realisation that we can’t agree on much else will hit me,” continued Brown. “I should be passing the chip shop by this point so I’ll pop in for a greasy consolation”.