Global celebrations kicked off at midnight in Australia with a huge fireworks display on Sydney Harbour Bridge, as the world’s citizens woke to a bright new future without their inboxes clogged with begging GDPR emails. From now on people can look forward to simply being spammed with fanciful penis enlargement remedies, and fortunate Nigerian lottery wins.
By now, all companies that had spent their entire previous existence not giving a flying shit about your privacy and data security, have now solemnly promised that they now care deeply about your privacy and data security, so long as you don’t cut off all future contact with them.
Companies whose entire business model consisted of being able to send you endless marketing bullshit you don’t want, because of a tiny box you didn’t tick on an email 10 years ago, are facing tough times.
Jihadi groups attempted to crash the celebrations by threatening an all-out global cyber-assault with GDPR emails. One group’s website sent out the message ‘O brothers, send upon the infidel dogs of the west fire, blood and millions upon millions of GDPR emails,’ but most of their followers never got the message because they failed to answer ‘yes’ to their previous GDPR consent email.