Conservative Minister Chris Grayling has announced that he is putting his reputation for incompetence behind and entering the leadership race for the Liberal Democrats.
“I was very saddened by the resignation of our leader Theresa Cable. I feel that it came too late to help my party’s performance in the European Song Contest which was won by the Dutch band All Nite Brexit Party. This is why I wish to be a candidate in the second referendum’ Chris Grayling takes the number of Conservative MPs announcing a leadership bid up to 112, although interestingly he is the only Minister aiming to win the leadership of another party. Some observers have suggested that this might just be another crass mistake by the accident prone front-bencher, but he denied this as he launched his leadership in faltering Welsh, in order to appeal to as many Plaid Cymru members as possible.
With only one Conservative MP left who isn’t actually standing for the leadership, all the candidates have been constantly camped outside the office of the one Tory they need to persuade, with the exception of Chris Grayling who is campaigning for the leadership by buying up ads on Bebo and MySpace and sending out faxes to targeted voters.
At his press conference, details of which were kept secret from the press, Chris Grayling announced ‘If I win, not only will I become party leader, I will of course become Prime Minister of Sweden, which is perfect for me, because I already speak a bit of French. So I am delighted to announce that I am throwing my shoe into the ring. Not my shoe, what is it you throw in? A hat, that’s right, I am throwing my hat into the pond. Damn. I meant ring, now my hat is all wet.’