Having renamed gas exports as ‘molecules of freedom’, the US energy department has taken the unusual step of calling carbon emissions ‘God’s breath’, global warming is described as ‘frost redemption’ and President Trump’s penis is ‘The Pussy Emancipator’. Though a careful juggling words they can change the meaning of things, so up becomes down and American democracy becomes actual democracy.
The Trump administration plans to roll back climate change legislation, by adding prefix of ‘freedom’ to everything that will kill you and the suffix of ‘praise-be’ every time a corporation makes money from you. Hence the phrase: ‘He was shot by a freedom-bullet and then his organs were harvested, praise-be’.
The sweet smell of ‘Freedom Gas’ sounds so much more delightful on your autopsy report, compared to carbon monoxide poisoning. While coal will no longer be called coke, but referred to as Diet Coke, Zero-emissions Coke and Cherry Coke – which is just as bad for the environment but tastes of cherry.
An Energy Dept spokeswoman explained: ‘Negative connotations can easily be defused. For example, you can call something a dissembling, paunchy, traitorous, beslubbering, mubble-arsed horn-beast or simply call it ‘Boris’.