The government has announced that from next week consumers will have to read a health warning about the health warning accompanying every product they buy.
This comes amid news of multiple health warning casualties across Britain.
In York, an 82-year-old woman collapsed with eye strain while trying to read the 32-page ‘list of potential hazards’ in near-invisible type that accompanied her newly purchased packet of cat litter. In another case, a Somerset man put his fist through a brick wall on reading that his new socket spanners are ‘dangerous if swallowed’.
A government sub-committee was suggested printing health warnings in Latin and letting Jacob Rees-Mogg cope with it. However, in the spirit of health and safety regulations, it was decided that an additional ten pages of the bleedin’ obvious is the best solution to the problem.