Teetotal men ‘boring bastards’, research confirms


Friends of teetotallers around the country have expressed no surprised after researchers confirmed that teetotal men are more likely to be boring bastards than men who can down a dozen pints on a night out.

Hardened drinker Tony Williams said: ‘Our mate Dave use to be the life and soul of the part. One night after a few too many vodies he stripped himself naked and ran down the high street. Actually it was more than once, it was kind of his party piece. He was a legend. But since becoming teetotal and drinking diet coke on nights out has he stripped naked? Has he fuck. Yet he insists he’s still having a good time.’

Alcohol researcher Richard Hughes said: ‘You hear the sentence, ‘I don’t need to drink alcohol to have a good time,’ pop up quite a lot, but I can confirm any man saying this is actually talking complete and utter bollocks.’


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Posted: Jun 4th, 2019 by

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