Teetotal men ‘boring bastards’, research confirms

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Friends of teetotallers around the country have expressed no surprised after researchers confirmed that teetotal men are more likely to be boring bastards than men who can down a dozen pints on a night out.

Hardened drinker Tony Williams said: ‘Our mate Dave use to be the life and soul of the part. One night after a few too many vodies he stripped himself naked and ran down the high street. Actually it was more than once, it was kind of his party piece. He was a legend. But since becoming teetotal and drinking diet coke on nights out has he stripped naked? Has he fuck. Yet he insists he’s still having a good time.’

Alcohol researcher Richard Hughes said: ‘You hear the sentence, ‘I don’t need to drink alcohol to have a good time,’ pop up quite a lot, but I can confirm any man saying this is actually talking complete and utter bollocks.’

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2019 by

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