Donald Trump has sensationally stormed out of Buckingham Palace following reports of a bitter row with the Queen. It has emerged that, over lunch, the US president broached a previously undeclared matter – his plans to develop an exclusive golf club in the grounds of the palace, including the demolition of the palace and replacing it with a new 5-star hotel called The Trump Royal Buckingham.
However a furious monarch refused even to discuss the matter, cutting Trump dead and telling him firmly and unequivocally: ‘Over one’s dead body, chum!’ Speaking to reporters afterwards, Trump said: ‘Donald Trump is not happy after his plans to develop a high-class golfing facility at Buckingham Palace have been turned down by the failing Queen. She must be some kinda crazy stone-cold loser as this is a fantastic idea. Just so fantastic. Amazing idea. Wow!’
‘As you are aware, Donald Trump does not take ‘No’ for an answer. Just look at how he forced a deal on those folks in Aberdeen Scot-Land. That was a great deal he did there eventually and he’s gonna do another great one right here in London. You know it, folks! Yuge.’
Meanwhile there are unconfirmed reports suggesting that Prince Andrew, Duke of York, has agreed to mediate between the parties. One source close to the Queen’s second son, speaking off the record, said: ‘The Duke is a keen golfer and I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of this project happening just yet. Perhaps he can broker a deal whereby Her Majesty will be able to live in one of the hotel’s suites and split all revenues from green fees with The Trump Organisation 50/50 as an extra sweetener to the deal.’