Change UK split to pursue solo incompetence

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Once popular group Change UK have split after three months at or vaguely near the top, with leader Heidi Allen saying that after much soul-searching, she has realised she hasn’t got one. The 11 members will each pursue their own brand of dubious tax return, international bribery and favourite pasty, although that last one may just apply to Mike Gapes. The split is said to be amicable, but that may all change when they decide who gets the Nando’s loyalty card.

The Royal Mail plans to release a double-sided commemorative stamp with a picture of Margaret Thatcher on both sides, which symbolically involves constantly licking a neo-liberal but an inability to actually stick to anything. Sadly, Change UK are now polling at only 1%. One voter said: ‘Was it only three months? Jeez, it felt so much longer.’

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2019 by

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