On the 75th anniversary of the D Day landings, Germany has called for €3 billion in reparations for four million towels, 4,000 umbrellas and 2,000 reclining chairs lost during the invasion. ‘We were clearly on the beaches first,’ claimed a spokesman for Germany today, ‘but of course we had repaired back to our accommodation for breakfast after getting up before dawn and placing our towels out.’
‘The British, Americans and Canadians didn’t take notice of international standards when invading Normandy, they just run rough shod over our towels. It’s no wonder our valiant troops felt it necessary to strafe the attacking armies – if they’d respected our towels we’d have happily shared the beaches with them,’ he added.
The Allies have contested the reparations as they claim they say there wasn’t anybody on the beach, apart from ‘several hundred Germans walking their guard dogs’ and insist that they didn’t mean to take up the spots where the Germans had lain towels, claiming that ‘it was unfortunate that many of the Allies fell mortally wounded on top of the towels’.