Johnson in last gasp attempt to acquire a shred of integrity

23rd February 1950:  Winston Churchill gives his famous wartime V-sign, during a tour of his constitiuency of Wanstead.  (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

Boris Johnson’s low-key performance thus far in the Tory Party Leadership race has been because he has spent the last two weeks at a Swedish clinic, where he has been undergoing a £5,000 per day crash course attempting to acquire a shred of integrity should he somehow end up as Prime Minister at the end of July, it has emerged.

Members of Johnson’s inner circle have admitted, off the record, that should he be unable to display even a scintilla of humility or show so much as an ounce of empathy for anyone but himself when he finally sticks his mop-topped head above the parapet, his bid to ever become PM is finished. Nevertheless rumours are circulating that he has already commissioned and paid for a life size bronze statue of himself, and should he become PM, one of his first actions will be to get the cost refunded from the public purse and have the statue erected in Parliament Square to replace the current one of Winston Churchill in time for Christmas.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2019 by

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