Couple buying Ottoman bed plan to put half the contents of their house in it

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Dave and Diane Potts looked round their local bed shop Sweet Dreams, (named after Marilyn Manson’s cover version of a Eurythmics’ song) this weekend.  They chose an ottoman bed after gleefully listing all the things they were going to store in it; spare bedclothes, sleeping bags, throws, cushions, garden chairs, back issues of BBC Top Gear magazine, Beanie Babies, winter boots, coats, photo albums, space hopper, knitting machine and much, much more.

‘It has a lovely action,’ said Dave to Mr Bloggs, the proprietor of Sweet Dreams, raising the bed bit to show the storage bit and then insisting Diane had a go too.

‘It’s roomy. Isn’t it roomy Dave?’ exclaimed Diane.

‘You could fit a couple of bodies in there,’ Dave replied, causing an awkward silence which Diane filled by asking about the choice of headboard colours.

Once the sale had been made Mr Bloggs said:  ‘Yes, we’ll take your old bed away.  My delivery drivers love spending the working day among the smell of unfulfilled sexual potential and endless box set watching done while eating crisps’.  He didn’t like to tell his customers that if they did store everything planned in their new bed the mattress would reach the ceiling because all of his previous customers fully expected their ottoman beds to have Tardis like proportions, not in keeping with the laws of physics.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2019 by

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