Raab promises return to ‘good old fashioned’ rape and pillage

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Having lost ground to other PM hopefuls Dominic Raab has committed to a return to the medieval law – ‘Droit du seigneur’ – allowing feudal lords to have sex with any woman living on his land.

‘With Boris pledging to cut taxes for top earners (and paying for it by increasing employee national insurance payments) it occurred to me that money isn’t everything’, said Raab. ‘I can get the same ‘feed the rich, smash the poor’ bonus from, let’s face it, a long overdue return of a once popular law. It’s bound to be a winner with knights of the realm and if they aren’t members of the Conservative party they damn well should be.’

Mr Raab already has support for such a measure from Jacob Rees-Mogg: ‘We are starting to see some serious contenders for the role of Prime Minister; Master Johnson’s tax cut pledge is welcome and whilst I support shaver Hunt’s comments on abortion, he has lost a bit of support by insisting any vote in the House would be left to the conscience of individual members. Young Raab is on the money – it is exactly the sort of thing we need. If one of the contenders would commit to a return of capital punishment the party membership will have the full range of pledges to ponder.’

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2019 by

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