An environmental subcommittee has identified podcasts as the leading threat to the environment and quality of life in the UK, outranking nuclear power stations and the stink of raw sewage.
‘This modern pestilence has caught us unawares’, says DEFRA spokesman Lee Jains. ‘Five years ago, there was only a handful of podcasts, downloaded by hipsters on bicycles. Nowadays, there’s a new one being unleashed on the public every 2.6 seconds. There’s one of my neighbour’s dog barking’.
Experts believe the billions of pretentious podcasts buzzing through the ether could be the cause of dizziness and headaches being reported by an increasing number of people. He warned: ‘A 1000 new podcasts have been launched since I started speaking, 700 of them about craft beer. I’m going to line my whole house with tinfoil just to protect my family”.