Boris denies ever coming off cocaine

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Conservative party leadership contender Boris Johnson has strenuously denied ever coming off cocaine: ‘Well, certainly not for long anyway. I did try coming down once, but I soon realised that being calm, rational and making sense just didn’t suit me. And above all, it wasn’t what what public expected.’

Boris then snorted what looked like the white line down the middle of the M1, and sat down to write a Telegraph editorial accusing Liverpudlians of wallowing in self-pity over their bent bananas, declaring that Britain would never pay the £39 billion a week they were demanding since they’d only spaff it up the wall anyway.

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2019 by

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