The US has admitted that Black Ops deployed to undermine the Labour leader may have backfired; making him more Prime Ministerial and less Geography Teacher-esque. The larger the lie, the more glamorous he becomes; hence the failure of headlines such as ‘Corbyn beds the Spice Girls’, ‘Corbyn fakes Moon Landing’ and ‘Corbyn punches James Corden’.
Said one disgruntled Labour insider: ‘Instead of focusing on Jeremy’s real unpleasantness – his scraggly beard or his association with those ghastly poor people – they start up rumours about him being an ISIS-trained Ninja. They should focus on allotments. No sane person wants an allotment.’
A CIA spokesman explained: ‘We advised journalists not to attack Corbyn’s policies, as people seem to like them, but just pretend you don’t understand them. Unfortunately it sort of makes us look we can’t read. We also tried for the ‘Corbyn is Thanos’ line but Thanos is way too cool’.
The US Secretary of State was caught on camera promising to roll-out further fake headlines, provided the President had not used them first. His spokesman said: ‘We’re going to push hard on the narrative that Corbyn is a racist spy. Nobody likes a racist spy. Pardon? What? What did you say? James Bond? Goddamnit!’