An inventory check made at the Prime Minister’s official residence prior to new tenants moving in has highlighted several areas of concern including “an all pervasive stench of despair”.
The cleaning firm tasked with preparing the property for the succeeding occupants reported that an odor of defeat had “permeated into the carpets and soft furnishings” and couldn’t be removed even with “industrial strength detergent”.
The smell was particularly evident in the Cabinet Room, where notes of “desperation, humiliation, and sick” were also detected.
Other examples of damage cited in the report included several paintings of prominent male Conservative politicians with fist-sized holes in them, a telephone handset that appeared to have been snapped in half, and a stiletto heel still wedged in the top of a Chippendale side table.
It now seems likely that departing tenant Theresa May will lose her security deposit.