Porn ID system delayed while civil servant completes Hefty Throbbers download

Man Laptop

The system by which masturbators will have to submit their private data to Porn-U-Like, the European Union, Sainsbury’s and MI5 faces a six month delay. This is because senior civil servant Sir Humphrey Smythe has yet to complete a full download of his favourite sites, including ‘Hefty Throbbers,’ ‘Front Bottom’ and ‘Gilfs playing Golf’.

‘The system may have its knockers’, explained Sir Humphrey, a mandarin in the department of Trade and Industry. ‘But the way ahead is for adult onanists to come clean with proof they are over eighteen, by signing up with the help of the DTI, the Post Office or a sleazy man with a tattoo, a moustache and a PO Box address in Liechtenstein.

Sir Humphrey continued: ‘Meanwhile it is perfectly permissible for enthusiasts to continue to store legally compliant material like ‘Teens full of Beans,’ ‘Carpet Burns’ and ‘XL Spreadsheets 24,’ provided they do this using personally owned domestic equipment and not through employers’ broadband, especially if their employer is a government department. In which case my advice is to use a cheap and foolproof Visual Private Network like SirHumphreysVPN.com.’

Share this story...

Posted: Jun 22nd, 2019 by

Click for more article by ..


© 2019 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer