In a world exclusive NewsBiscuit has acquired a copy of Donald Trump’s letter to Kim Jong-Un.
Thought I’d drop you a note as one bigly huge world statesman to another, and ain’t we just a couple of the hugely biggest? You know it, guy!
Say, I wanna thank you for the beautiful letter you sent me last week. It was a beautiful letter, so beautiful, just the beautifulest of letters ever. FACT!
Anyway, it got me into kinda thinking things over… and you know what? We should really get together and have another one of those strumpets we had in ‘Nam back in February. Whaddayah say?
But this time I want my security guys to jog along beside my car as well. I know it’s your thing but if my guys aren’t allowed to do it then that’s gonna be a deal-breaker, fella. See, it looks kinda cool and I’m all about looking cool for my supporters here in The States. But don’t fret, kid, you can still get your thugs to do it too and I won’t complain, buddy. You can trust me. Everyone trusts me because I’m a trustworthy guy.
I got some good news too. Looks like we’re gonna get another mad haircut dude on the world stage. He’ll fit in with us real swell. He’s a ruthless liar, a total misogynist, a bigot, racist, a zeno zano xena… hey, did I say he’s got no integrity whatsoever?
Best thing of all he’s one of the most completely untrustworthy cheats on the planet. Probably even worse than us. Yes siree, he’s gonna be a great addition to our little group. Calls himself Horace Bronson and he lives in some goddamn shithole called Europelandia. Do you know him? What a guy. Wow!
Once he’s elected I’ll send him a membership invoice – $30,000,000 US – and we’ll split it 50/50. That’s $9,000,000 dollars each. You OK with that?
Right, I gotta go now so get back to me about the new summons idea. I’m off to sign some more executive orders to annoy The Mexicans, Muslims and fake news media.
Catch you soon, Jim.
Your Good Buddy
T J Trump