Britain is in shock today at the government’s announcement that “in order to offer a wider choice to consumers” everyone shall have the option of changing their vacuum cleaners and electric toothbrushes to fossil fuel at the flick of a switch.
Outraged environmental activists are accusing the government of “blatant pandering to the oil companies”, but they have been dismissed as “sandal-wearing losers” by supporters of the Bill in Parliament.
Boris Johnson jubilantly celebrated the new law today by demonstrating a petrol/electric egg-beater with a 250cc Kawasaki engine “that’ll thrash your eggs to a froth in two seconds flat”. Wiping the yellow spray off his crumpled suit, he explained: “This is about empowering women in the home and marking their freedom from the voltage slavery of the EU”.
Press and spectators backed away nervously as Mr Johnson went on to demonstrate the new petrol/electric toothbrush on himself. “It’ll do wonders for the dental health of the nation”, he shouted above the roar of the two-stroke engine. “It’s basically a chainsaw with bristles”.