It’s understood the nation’s new self-styled defender of the moral high ground, blowhard Piers Morgan, has been fitted for a figure-hugging superhero costume to be worn when he is combating forces of evil as his new alter ego, Moral High Ground Man.
Fashioned from a Union Jack print in Lycra and consisting of a bodysuit, cape and mask with the obligatory Y-fronts over his tights, Morgan will don the outfit and wage war on whatever he decides is wrong; not to mention everyone and everything else he disagrees with.
His superpowers are a complete lack of self awareness and the ability to shout down everything anyone else says, except for the drivel of Donald Trump, whose speech overpowers Morgan in the same way Kryptonite does Superman, turning him into a sycophantic and simpering arse-licking fanboy.
Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Cressida Dick, confirmed that Morgan has presented the force with a huge lamp to project a light into the night sky depicting his personal superhero emblem – a middle aged podgy bloke with smoke pouring form his ears.
When the light appears it will see Morgan swing into action and start mouthing off utter cobblers like some stereotypical misinformed wanker down the pub.
Speaking from his new headquarters, a big greenhouse he calls ‘My Fortress of Bloody Amazing’ he said: ‘I, the totally fantastic Piers Morgan, have stepped up to the plate to singlehandedly save our great nation by spouting an endless stream of total shite across all strands of broadcast, print and social media.’
‘My personal integrity is beyond reproach. So I will sacrifice all to take on this vital role. By the way, did I mention I know Donald Trump personally and that you don’t? That makes you a sad and failing loser.’