It’s been alleged that thousands of people awaiting eye tests have been able to pay for illicitly obtained advance copies of the jumbled letters they must read with one eye closed. One optician found that a man who previously needed strong bifocals had, in six months developed 20 20 vision. ‘I only suspected cheating when the man seemed able to predict the letters before he saw them, and he knew the red circle would be clear than the green one. I had hoped to sell him laser eye surgery.’
Mike Ombslgc, who is responsible for all eye tests in Britain said it was possible those who created the charts were leaking them on the internet. ‘Spljfcg nghfstp aglfam,’ Mr Ombslgc told a convention of opticians.
Junior Minister of Health Mike Smythe said that people who paid for advance copies of tests were being short sighted. ‘People are blind to the fact that good vision, like Maths, French or Religious Studies has to be earned. It’s not fair on people who have worked hard, memorising hundreds of random lists of letters in preparation for the test.’ The minister went on to say efforts to stop the cheating had varied across the country, with results ‘better, worse or just the same.’
In a separate case a Warsaw-born patient of an Optician in Godalming complained after it emerged that the test he was supposed to read said ‘Fuck off shorty’ in Polish.