Attenborough’s Glastonbury set slammed

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There was ill-concealed anger as many festival-goers left Worthy Farm today, after Sir David Attenborough’s Sunday afternoon gig on the Pyramid Stage was lambasted by audience and critics alike as having been the worst Glastonbury performance ever.

Sir David took to the stage as expectation reached fever pitch but instead of singing some songs or playing any music at all, the former Blue Planet frontman just stood there and talked about plastic bottles, pollution and the planet.
Music fan, Gareth Little, who was in the crowd said: ‘I know he’s a nice old gentleman but his show was pure shit. I can’t remember any of the songs at all, and as regards getting the crowd warmed up for Kylie… he just fucking killed the atmosphere stone-dead, man. Especially that video of the sperm whale eating a discarded KFC bucket. Major bummer!’

And Princess of Pop, Kylie, agreed. ‘Christ, mates, I had to work my butt off to get the punters warmed up again. Strewth cobbers, it was quite an effort I can tell you. They’d only stopped booing Sir David when I did Spinning Around at the end of my own set.’

Most of the punters were sanguine about the performance, though.  ‘If you think that was patronising do-goody whining, just wait until next year’s Saturday headlining show by U2, as Bono cannot be trusted to shut the fuck up and just play some bloody music,’ said one festival goer.

hat-tip ron cawleyoni

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2019 by

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