The biggest knob in the history of the USA is set to parade itself in Washington DC as part of the USA Independence Day celebrations. Supported by several M1 Abrams tanks and hoisted aloft at about 45 degrees by a fly-past of six F/A-18 Hornet aircraft, the knob will take pride of place during the festivities.
Touted by the White House as the greatest knob ever to expose itself on America soil, it will be draped in a fine gossamer version of the Stars and Stripes flag which will be unfurled in front of ‘an audience of literally zillions’ before setting off along the National Mall in a channel of Crisco Lube.
“I am honored to be holding the hugest Wank Fest ever known to mankind and also beyond the Universe too,” said President Donald Trump in a mutual admiration session with Fox News. “Obama just couldn’t get it up like I can and I mean that very bigly.”
Smelling salts will be provided free of charge for Trump’s bastion of female followers in the event of being overcome by the sight of the biggest load of bollocks ever seen outside of an average trailer park.
The climax of the event will take the form of the biggest fireworks display since ‘Hiroshima and D-Day combined’ which will be televised simultaneously in North Korea, Russia, Iran and southern border detention centres.
It is mooted that the parade will be held ad infinitum, or at least until the last c**t remaining in the Trump dynasty expires and is stuffed, mounted and laid to rest in the Trump Mausoleum, previously known as the Lincoln Memorial.