UK seizes tanker because ‘big boys made us’

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Gibraltar law enforcement agencies have detained an Iranian oil tanker, on the strict instructions of ‘a group of sixth formers’ with leather jackets. Pressure was put on the British behind the bike sheds by the Trump administration, with the threat of a good ‘going over’ and ‘nuclear wedgies’.

Sadly Britain has not set its own foreign policy since the invasion of the Romans, preferring to borrow other’s – which is also the UK’s attitude to land. From the 9th century they quickly adopted the Viking rape/pillage model, which later developed into the sophisticated 2019 US model of rape/pillage, with the occasional drone strike.

Iran summoned the UK ambassador, who denied acting like the US’s poodle but was unable to explain why his breath smelled of ‘pedigree chum’. A nervous Britain says it was also forced to smoke woodbines, drink Special Brew and was paddled on the buttocks by John Bolton, dressed as Harry Flashman.

This illegal seizure may be the first step towards another Middle East bloodbath, but at least Britain will no longer have to walk naked through the dorm, singing the star-spangled banner. A UK spokesman said: ‘If the US says ‘goddamnit jump!’, we don’t have to jump. First we correct their grammar. Then we jump’.

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Posted: Jul 5th, 2019 by

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