A mother has been left deeply upset after receiving a highly-critical review of her uterus on the travel website TripAdvisor. Sharon Harvey, 36, is said to have been ‘hurt and surprised’ by the short but damning write-up, which was left by her newborn son, Sean.
Titled ‘Cramped, Noisy, Fuck all to do’, the withering take-down of Harvey’s womb went up within 24 hours of her son’s birth and found fault with pretty much every aspect of her amniotic environment.
Describing her uterus as a ‘poorly-soundproofed hellhole in desperate need of renovation,’ the young baby’s main complaint was having to listen to ‘9 months of muffled wittering accompanied by the sound of her craving-fuelled bowels constantly backfiring.’ Other gripes included the poor view, an overly-restrictive umbilical cord, and the lack of basic gym facilities.
The review has dragged the average score of Harvey’s womb down to three stars, a significant reduction from the five stars it received from its previous two occupants.
‘Not everyone appreciates bijou accommodation but I found it charming,’ said Harvey’s eldest daughter, Sally, 7. ‘I take his point about the view but the alternative would involve a nasty draught and the prospect of bungee-jumping towards the ground every time mum sneezed.’
Sean Harvey could not be reached for comment, though it has been reported that a scathing Yelp review of his mother’s breast-feeding facilities has just gone viral.