Leaked email from US ambassador predicts Boris’s victory


A secret email from the US ambassador in London addressed to President Donald Trump describes Tory leadership hopeful Boris Johnson as “the greatest man on earth”.

The confidential communication was apparently intercepted by a hacker who passed it on to the Beano and Viz comics in what appears to be a politically motivated move that will deeply embarrass both US and UK governments. Ambassador Jedediah Jones claims that Boris Johnson will without a doubt become Britain’s next prime minister because ninety per cent of the population already believe that he is their saviour.

“The British have a name for the average person – it is the Man on the Clapham omnibus – and the last man I spoke to on a bus in Clapham told me that without a doubt BJ will lead the British people in their historic fight against Europe” Jones confided to Trump.

“No one is better suited to fight the Brussels hordes on the beaches, on the landing grounds and in the hills as far as the average Brit is concerned” Jones went on.

“When he has done that he will conclude a historic trade deal with the US and re-establish as much of the British empire as the White House will allow. Not forgetting the important role such a leader has in entertaining his people he will also star in a popular tv show. However rumours that he will appear in Celebrity Come Dancing have been quashed by insiders who claim that something called University Challenge is more his style. Here he intends to play single handed with no team mates!”

So far president Trump has not commented on the ambassador’s views although he has said that Jones still has his full confidence.

British PM Theresa May has said that she is glad that her imminent departure means that she “will no longer have to talk to Jones and people like that”.
“It’s a pity that we cannot rely on the confidentiality of diplomatic communications because if this kind of thing were kept secret the average person could well be led into believing that those who attain high office are somehow saner than the rest of us. As it is we are all likely to be tarnished as a bunch of nutters”

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Posted: Jul 10th, 2019 by

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