Olly Murs: I’ll use my big face to create a hard Irish border

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Pop icon Olly Murs has announced that he is prepared to use his enormous great face to create a permanent hard border between Northern Ireland and Eire in the event of a ‘no deal’ Brexit. Murs, whose face measures 510 kilometres from ear to ear, told newsmen: ‘I’ve always been a staunch Leave voter and if we crash out of the negotiations with nothing whatsoever on the table then that’s absolutely fine with me, I will happily block off the Republic with my enormous face until the Brexiteer hardliners come up with something else.’

Brexit secretary Dominic Raab said: ‘It’s a wonderful gesture from Mr Murs. His massive face could prove invaluable should the EU mafia refuse to see sense and his humongous eyes could spot any Romanians trying to sneak in to sponge off the state and steal our jobs.’ Ironically, Murs will be following in the footsteps of his great-grandfather, Michael, whose enormous face was used by Adolf Hitler to annexe the Sudetenland in 1938.

Johnny Shlep

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2019 by

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