Former Staff Sergeant Johnny Bimbo Wilkins, known as bunny to his mates ,today welcomed the promise from Boris Johnson that no soldiers will be prosecuted for the murders they committed in the North of Ireland.
Wilkins a veteran of the famous battle of the Red Bull in Aldershot in 92,when he kept a party of drunken OAPS’s at bay for over an hour with only a light machine gun for his own protection, taught camouflage techniques for over 20 years.
Dropped off in the Scottish Highlands wearing only a string vest and carrying a tin opener, Bimbo is said to have gone native, living with a herd of Highland cattle for almost a year. Reports show that his disguise was so good that he put on 600lbs and won best in show at the Perthshire County Fair.
Speaking today at a home for Her Majesties shell shocked veterans, the Ex Staff Sergeant told reporters that it had always been an unwritten rule, that what happens on the streets of an occupied country, stays on the streets and that he was delighted that this will now be recognised by law. We were all tired of the cover ups he said, falsifying log books, perjuring ourselves in court, it was a nightmare. We are trained killers he said,that is what the politicians want us to do. You don’t blame a qualified plumber for fixing the wrong toilet do you?