A State judge has ruled that 29 separate claims to Prince’s estate have not met basic fairytale plausibility; involving a combination of frog kissing and the removal of a sword from stone. All blood ties will now be determined by matching them against a DNA sample of foot fungal scrapings, taken from a paisley sneaker – size 4, circa 1985.
Previously unsuccessful tests had included squeezing claimants into Prince’s uber-skinny lamé leggings. Although even the Minnesota judge admitted it was unlikely any of them would be able to wake the Prince from his magical slumber, caused by the opioid Fentanyl.
All children know the story of The Funktastic Prince – living with two ugly sisters (played by Rick James and George Clinton) and the seven dwarfs of the Revolution. Unfortunately squabbling over his inheritance has swelled the cast of characters to include hundreds of new fictitious relatives.
A lawyer representing his enchanted estate said: ‘Who shall ever make this purple crop-top/chain-mask combo work, will marry the Prince’s $300m. And I’ll bet five magic beans and a bag of Prince’s magic fairy dust, that the balance will be a big red pumpkin by midnight’