DUP Leader Arlene Foster has one non-negotiable red line if she is deliver her party’s support to prop up Boris Johnson’s minority Tory Government and continue the terms of the tawdry deal they cut with his predecessor Theresa May.
Boris Johnson must give Simon Cowell a knighthood to ensure the 10th Ballymena Loyal Orange Lodge Flute Band triumphs in this year’s upcoming X Factor competition or there will be no support forthcoming.
A show insider who did not want to be identified said: ‘It’s true. We’ve been told we are to go through the motions of staging auditions, heats and a grand final, but the ‘Kick-the-Pope’ band is to win and play for The Queen at this year’s Royal Command Performance.’
Mrs Foster said: ‘The band’s cover of the Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars Uptown Funk is going to be the soundtrack to Autumn, so it is. It’ll be fantastic, so it will.
There is now further speculation that Mrs Foster, buoyed-up having won one concession, might just insist that the men from Ballymena go on to represent what’s left of The United Kingdom in next year’s Eurovision Song Contest.
Hat tip Walter Eagle