Sadly sales of plastic bags in the UK have halved; which may be good news for turtles looking to lose weight but is bad news for those of us who will be carrying all our belongings in a post-Brexit wilderness. Many Brits will have the dilemma of whether to use their one Sainsbury’s bag for baked beans, rudimentary hedgehog traps or carrying their ‘own poop’.
Who knows what Brexit has in store for us, but a plastic bag helps us to be prepared; from picking up lumps of uranium to hoarding dismembered zombie parts. So much of the UK will be in ruins, so plastic bags will be needed to hold all our cultural treasures; such as the crown jewels or the head of James Corden’s agent.
Given that so many of us will be foraging off the land, the plastic bag is a vital survival tool – be it as rainwater funnel, improvised glove or contraceptive device. Those with a flair for fashion, can cut out arm holes and wear their bag, celebrating designer labels, like ‘Tesco’s Value’.
The plastic bag allows you to carry cash – particularly, if as predicted, the turnip becomes the new currency. It also makes a perfect emergency blanket and when all else fails, you can take the cowards way out and put the bag over your head.