Evacuated residents of Whaley Bridge have been criticised for leaving their homes. ‘They should embrace these opportunities,’ said the scarily fey sepulchral Chairman of the ERG and newly appointed Leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg, speaking from his mansion on top of a hill.
‘For too many years, Whaley Bridge has been too close to the dam; this is a golden opportunity for leaving the dam behind. Not having the dam there will open up new markets and, far more importantly, slightly improve the view for people in big houses looking down on the village.’
To pursue any other course of action would be nothing other than pandering to the untruths and scares peddled by Project Fear.’