London drug overlord Joey ‘The Razor’ Fraser has attributed his gang’s victory in an acrimonious turf war in the city’s east end to the highly polished PowerPoint presentation he delivered to his team of violent criminals. Fraser used a variety of methods in his hour-long presentation to illustrate the benefits of mercilessly crushing a rival gang that had been attempting to move in on their territory.
‘I thought I’d tried something different this time and the boys seem to respond really well to it’ says Fraser. ‘Its easy to come over all Ray Winstone and tell them to get out there and break the other lot’s f**king legs. But by being able to illustrate our immediate and medium-term objectives through the use of pie-charts, bar charts and Venn diagrams it really helped the guys take cognisance of our end goals’.
‘Once I’d managed to cascade the relevant information vis-a-vis the violent termination of our rival organisation we had a chance to have a proper look under the bonnet of our drug delivery service. The guys were then able to put our strategic approach into practice on the street and wipe out those muppets that were encroaching on my manor’.
Feedback to Fraser’s presentation was largely positive with gang members giving an overall rating of 9 out of 10 in the questionnaire they were asked to fill out afterwards.
‘I was bit sceptical at first’ admits gang member Kevin ‘Bananas’ Mitchell. ‘But once the boss had shown us his cost-benefit analysis of kneecapping and cutting off some nonce’s hand with a machete I was won over. His use of animation was also very effective, and he really let the slides speak for themselves. I’d have given it 10 out of 10 but I felt the section on removing your enemy’s teeth with a pair of pliers went on a bit. Apart from that it was the bollocks’.
Having cemented his position Fraser is planning a staff away-day in a country hotel as a reward for his gang’s loyalty.
‘It’ll do the guys good to get away from the everyday work environment and touch base offline for a day or two. After all the drugs game can’t just be about maintaining supremacy using threats and violence’ says Fraser.
‘Sometimes you just have to get away, let the boys have a bit of fun and stir-fry some ideas in the strategy wok’.